Sunday, February 20, 2011

sharing feels hard

It's hard to explain.
My baby girl is 1 week old already. I still have barely shared pictures of her or of our new family. Time is an okay excuse, but it's not the real reason I haven't shared yet. This past week has been hard. Ridiculously fun, but emotional. I thought I'd be able to avoid the baby blues with this one because I have so much else to focus on now, but I was wrong. It's really hard to admit when you're having a hard time. It's only been a week though and I know that I'm normal. I don't want to skip a beat in this new life, but I feel ready to be past these emotions.
Sharing pictures of such personal moments feels scary. Most of the images I share here and with friends or family are personal, but not that personal. Childbirth, learning to love another, moments of vulnerability feel really scary to share. And furthermore, do people even care? Do people care about our birth story? Do people care about the moment when I realized that there was room in my heart for more than one? These are the moments I find most miraculous and most special, but these aren't the types of moments that feel like they should be shared. They're in our hearts and on my hard drive, but I think that probably doesn't mean that I have to share them.
I feel vulnerable even saying any of these things. If I hit delete, they will be bottled up. If I hit publish, it'll all be out there and I won't be able to take it back.
It's hard for me to share, but I will. What and how much I share is up to me. Choosing is what is hard. It will come.

I just spent some time choosing photos to share from the past week. Now I have to find the words and edit the images. It will take time, but I will share them piece by piece.

1 comment:

Brie1903 said...

I hear ya, girl! At some point I stop caring who reads it or who wants to know and just do it for myself :) Your little family is absolutely beautiful!