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Friday, April 8, 2011

i guess i fell off, time to jump back on

Man! I was really hoping it wouldn't happen, but I totally fell off the blogging bandwagon.
Seriously, I didn't know where to get the time.
Days are F-U-L-L now and I love it, but it's also hard.
I had a mini meltdown last week because I felt like I wasn't focusing enough on me.
Crazy. Just had a baby and all I can think about is me.
Eh. I think I'm okay with that.
My kids are my world. My world.
But. BUT. I'm more than a mother. One day recently my husband said that to me and he is damn right.
I am more.
It's been hard for me to realize that because I love being a mommy so much and because I have sacrificed so much to be the best one I can be.
Yes, sacrificed. It sounds so awful, but it's just the truth.
I gave up, voluntarily I might add, my 20s. I gave up some dreams, some goals.
And for the past 3 years I've just been gliding through, navigating my way through the everyday.
But I'm ready for me now. I'm ready to not be afraid of what I have to offer as a woman in this world.
I'm scared to freaking death, but I think that's okay and I think it's normal.
And even if it's not normal, it's what I feel. And feelings are real.
Just because I detoured a little bit doesn't mean it's too late to really start accomplishing something with my life.
It's not too late. It just can't be.
Don't get me wrong, my kids and my husband are #1 on my priority list, absolutely 100% always.
But next comes me. Life isn't about waiting, it's about getting out there, no matter how uncomfortable and afraid you are to do what you need to do. (Thanks for that wisdom Dr. Seuss)
Yes, I have 2 kids. Yes, I am busier than busy. But that doesn't mean I can't do this. I CAN do this, just like that little engine did.
So here I go. I'm jumping in as much as I know how. It feels like there's a thick fog in the air, but I know that fog will soon break and things will start clearing. I know that moment is there. I just have to get myself there.

1 comment:

Katie said...

J, you're a rockstar person AND fabulous mommy. I hope you know that!