Sunday, November 20, 2011

one year ago

One year ago, I had just gotten my Nikon D300 and I was still shooting with my kit 18-55 lens. Soon I would get my 50mm f/1.8 and it would change my world. Many of these were shot at f/4 which I rarely touch inside my house these days! I was still afraid to bump up my ISO because I didn't know the new camera's capabilities. Turns out I can crank that baby up! My photos were blurry and underexposed because I still didn't understand what "metering" meant. I didn't understand that light is everything. Yikes.

But in a year, so much has changed. I finally learned to take a clean picture straight out of my camera on my own terms. After months of practice, I decided to start building a portfolio and start my business. My clients, my friends and my family have been so supportive and a year ago, I thought I would never get there. I thought that with so little, I could never do so much. But I love photography and I could never give it up. I could never get it out of my mind. I could never quit. Even when my pictures weren't quite there, I knew I was growing and learning. I had the eye and I was so close. I knew that if I worked hard, I would get there. And I have. And I'm still learning and growing.

Most importantly, one year ago, my big boy was still just a little guy. He didn't talk back yet. Timeouts were pretty rare. He didn't go potty or wash his hands by himself. He didn't have chores yet. He didn't tell me what he was drawing- he just scribbled. He didn't have a baby sister yet.

A year really changes a lot. So when I'm feeling really scared or unmotivated or unworthy or confused or talentless or lost, I just remember that in another year, all of that will have changed. Life changes before your eyes and we make that happen with the choices we make. If you make a wrong one, oh well, because you have another day, another chance to make another decision, to be the person you want to be. If at the end of the day, you lay in bed thinking that you really screwed that day up, wake up the next morning reminding yourself that you won't let that happen again. A year changes a lot, but so does a day.

// these photos are untouched by photoshop. it's good to remember where you were to remind yourself of where you are. also, these pictures are so special. so special.

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