Thursday, November 10, 2011

what it is to feel

I never thought that confidence was something I lacked. I always felt like I was relatively outgoing and that I had an easy time feeling good about myself. Then I had kids and stopped being a regular college student and everything changed. I suddenly became this version of myself that I wasn't really prepared for; not someone I didn't like, just someone I wasn't familiar with - someone I needed to get to know. Over the past few years, it has been interesting getting to know myself all over again. I assume most people in their 20s go through something similar, not necessarily through the drastic changes I've been through, but maybe in more subtle ways. We grow a lot at this stage. So my confidence took a hit and I never realized it that much until I wanted to start a business and I realized that I didn't feel like I could do it as much as I wanted to do it. Crazy, right? Lately my game has been rebuilding that youthful confidence I once had and becoming comfortable with the tools I have been given to live this life. But I came across this spread in Lonny Mag (subscribe. right now. go do it.) with an interview with Jonathan Adler and it all makes sense. He says, "When you have the confidence to know and say who you are, you liberate your creativity." Now, of course, he's talking about coming out and that particular subject has very little to do with me, but in a sense, I'm coming out. I'm coming out of this idea that I'm not good enough, that I'll never make it, that I totally mucked up by choosing a different path than the expected one. Coming out of those totally negative and terrible feelings feels good and it makes you more aware of what you want. It makes you more aware of what you are capable of and to know what you are capable of is to feel. So if you're feeling like you're totally stuck or that you're following the wrong path, stop. Just stop. You are good enough. You have the tools for the life you are meant to live. So live it. Do whatever it takes to get there. It won't be easy. You might cry all the time for months and drive your loved ones totally banana-ramas, but just slow down. Think about your life. Think about who you are. Explore. Write down your feelings. Make yourself happier. If you don't make yourself, no one else will. You are responsible for your life and your dreams. Slow down and be liberated.

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