they help me see

// evan has turned into a kid. not a toddler. a kid.
// they only eat the marshmallows.
// they look so much alike. it's the eye shape.
// table full of my mess. it's got a life of its own.
// mila, so beautiful.

it has been over 2 months since I used my "big" camera. honestly, I don't know why. when I decided in my head that right now is not the right time for me to start my photography business from the ground up, i put it in a drawer. i was so sad about it. so guilty about it. i've spent a lot of time thinking about photography. it sort of felt like i was giving it all up. i know in my heart that i wasn't then and i still am not now. it's been a hard couple of months since evan's seizure. money woes mostly. we remind ourselves all the time that we don't have it that bad. but it has been hard. lots of worry. lots of anxiety. and at the same time, it's been a great couple of months. i've met new friends, started a business with stella & dot to help supplement our income and really branched out of my comfort zone. i don't know when i thought about it or why, but i knew that i had let go a part of myself in order to try to find something new. even though a photography business isn't for me right this second, photography is still a part of me and my camera is still my third baby. this blog is still an outlet for me. emotionally. creatively. personally. and i need it. just as much as i need to make money to help my family, i need this blog and i need my camera. they help me see.